Monday, February 2, 2009
...go away, please. It's supposed to rain for a few days in Montpellier, and it's seriously bringing me down. I've been awake for a few hours already because I thought I had a history class on the holocaust at 10h15...not so. It was cancelled, so I sat in bed and lingered, and thought.
I want to be really good at French by the time I leave, and I think I can do this. At the same time, though, I don't want my English to change (if that makes sense?)...I like writing, I like the way I write, and what if adjusting to French syntax and style for the semester ruins my (writing) life forever? I need to keep writing. Like I did this summer, where words were just spilling out, where thoughts and phrases and plot outlines felt effortless. I've spent a fair amount of time in my bedroom this weekend, and maybe I shouldn't be doing that. I need to be surrounding myself with friends, not vestiges of online interaction. All it does is make me think of Geneseo, of the friends and parties I have had there...and what if it's all different when I get back?
I knew I had to study abroad. For so long, I felt like there was something bigger out there for me. But what if this is...too big? Too different? What if I didn't need to change that much, after all?